Endless POFibilities -- December 2000

POF Point of View: A Husband's Story
by David Woessner

My name is David. I'm Cori Canty's husband.

Cori and I got married back in May of 95. She had known that there might be some problem with reproducing since before we got married, since she had only two periods from age 14. I don't remember if she told me before or after we got married. I do remember that I didn't see it as a major obstacle. My focus of marriage has been Cori and myself, and our relationship. The hardest thing to deal with has ben trying to help Cori come to terms with her POF. It has been tough to comfort her when she feels incomplete and defective (her words, not mine). As a male and a husband, I don't see her as either. I see her as human. We all have problems and difficulties to deal with and overcome. As a husband, my role is to support her as she struggles through the difficulties. her role is to do the same for me.

I do have a different perspective on starting a family. I would like to have a family of my own. Now as far as what "my own" means, I can only offer my viewpoint. My own family will be Cori, myself, and any kids that we raise, take care of, and support. These kids can be from donor egg, adoption, or any other method of having children, whichever that may be.

I know that other males and females feel differently. They want to have their own kids from their own reproductive systems . . I hope I'm being clear. This is a conflict that people willhave to deal with on their own. I realize that Cori and I cannot have children the way many other people do, so we have to find other ways. I have accepted this. Cori seems to be resigned to this fact after hearing her latest results. It took her many years before being able to "accept" this. Hopefully, I have been supportiveof her in the struggle. All I can say is I've tried my best.

Cori also mentioned that some women were worried about being single and having POF or infertility problems. I'm not sure I can offer much help since I can only offer my perspective. I wasn't looking for the perfect person to marry. If I had found theperfect person, I would have to be perfect, which I'm not. I was looking for someone with whom I was compatible. I expected Cori to be human and have problems and difficulties to overcome. I knew that I was and did . . (still do). Anyway, from this point of view, having POF or other infertility problems, is just another difficulty to overcome. This goes back to when Cori told me about her problem, I didn't look at it as a defect, or something that made her less of a woman, just human.

I feel lucky that I have been able to support Cori in her struggle to come to terms with her POF. I know it would be tough for her to go through it alone (although she would have the support of her online friends). I don't konw if this has helped or not, but I hope it has. If there is anything else I can do, or questions I can answer, let Cori know, or email me at DWsoc@aol.com.

Editorial: My POF Path