Endless POFibilities -- July 2001

POFer Profile: Tina Roldan

What is your volunteer job with the support group? How long have you been doing it? Has it helped you cope with your POF?

I do phone support for our national phone line. I check and return messages for individuals who have called our group’s phone number. I have been doing it for about a year and a half. I find it a wonderful way to talk to other POFers. Most importantly, by volunteering I am able to give back to the group that has helped me so much!

Share a brief summary about yourself, how POF changed your life.

Since age 11, when I entered puberty, my cycle had always been very regular -every 28 days (give or take a few). I knew when my period was coming and when it would end (about 5 - 7 day cycle). The only times I lost my period were in high school (when I had become anorexic) and during the two times I was pregnant. Otherwise, I had never missed a period nor was I ever off cycle. In my twenties, I did notice that my periods became more and more “crampy” and very uncomfortable. I sometimes had to sit in a warm tub all morning (of course on ibuprofen), just to get through that first day of the menstrual cycle. But I knew many other women who also had bad periods, so I simply felt glad that I did not have to suffer the pain until I was in my twenties. My periods were consistently regular right up to when my POF unexpectedly occurred as I turned 30.

I often wonder if the stress of my life contributed at all to my having POF. I have always been a highly-motivated and “personality type A” individual. I went continuously through schooling, from high school to college to graduate school. After receiving my master’s degree, I began a career teaching mathematics at community college. My husband and I were married, when I was 24 years old. Almost immediately we began trying to have a child. I come from a large family (6 children) and longed to start a family of my own. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to get pregnant, no matter what I tried. Finally, after a year and a half, I got pregnant. After 11 weeks, I had the devastating experience of a terrible miscarriage. (It was a whole day in the ER, which ended in a D & C.) I was crushed. We waited for a few months and then tried again to have a child. It was to no avail until I became pregnant and eventually gave birth to my only son in September 1996. I consider him my “gift from God”.

After I had my son, at age 28, my regular periods came back. I was regular again for the next year until April 1998. That month, for some strange reason (which now makes perfect sense), my period came a week early. This was the first time my cycle had EVER been off. Then in May 1998, my period did not come. In fact, my cycle never returned. I probably had the same doctor experience as many other POFers.... At first, I thought I might be pregnant, but blood tests showed I wasn’t. The nurse practitioner said it was just stress and sent me on my way. Within the first month, I was starting to feel hot flashes (though, at the time had no idea they were hot flashes and just thought it was the Las Vegas summer heat). After a second visit to the nurse practitioner, she again told me it was probably stress, but ordered a blood test. A week later, via phone, I was informed that I “was in menopause” with no sympathy or direction or options. This was probably the worst part of the whole POF experience.

I must admit that I did not deal with it very well at first. I just keep thinking, “How could I possibly be in menopause!?!?” I had just turned 30! I still wanted to have children! I was too young!!!! My mother still hadn’ t gone through menopause and she was over 50!!! I was emotionally distraught, I cried for days, my spirit was broken. After about a week, I snapped out of my self-pity and decided to do research. Deciding to “take charge of my life rather than having my life take charge of me” was the best thing that could have happened. I found our POF WebSite and the struggle has been uphill ever since. (this seems awkward to me- is struggle uphill really right??)

My POF was unexpected and unwelcomed. Nevertheless, my POF has had a strange, uplifting effect on my life. I now recognize the importance of life and what a gift it truly is. Every day that goes by, I am thankful for being alive. Every day that goes by, I am thankful for my son. Don’t get me wrong, like probably all POFers, every day that goes by, I continue to wish that my diagnosis could be reversed.. Yes, I still long and wish for the ability to have another biological child. Yes, I worry constantly about
my hormone levels, my bone loss, my early aging and all the other things that come with POF. But I now see every day as a learning day. I continually search for new ways to deal with my illness, and I will continually work on my HRT regimen (which needs to be routinely updated and refined). POF is not something that I can change or cure, so I am learning to live with it in the best possible way. Thank you, thank you to the many other POFers, some very spectacular and truly inspiring women, who have
helped me on my journey!

How has your husband helped you with your diagnosis?

At first, he, my relatives, and I included were in denial, until the diagnosis was confirmed. After the diagnosis, he didn’t talk much about it, but I continually feel his support.

Do you have any advice or tips for other POFers?

READ, READ, READ!!!! Do as much research as you possibly can. Join the IPOFA listserv, check out magazines, news articles, and any books that you can to find out about premature ovarian failure. And, most importantly, find a doctor that you trust and one who is willing to listen to you and work with
you. Find someone who you feel comfortable with, who is willing to sit and spend an hour, if need be, explaining your body and what treatment options you have. If you have to search through 5 or 10 or even 15 doctors, it is worth it!

Another suggestion, don’t make any rush decisions. Upon learning your diagnosis, you will probably go through a series of emotions, including denial, devastation, regret, anger, and/or depression. It takes time before your body and mind have time to adjust to your situation. Wait until then before you make any major decisions about what you want to do with your life, particularly concerning children. Upon diagnosis, I know I felt I had to immediately have a child and do it in any way I could — adoption or donor egg or whatever, I didn’t care. I had had my ability to have a child taken from me — so I wanted a child at whatever cost! That is not a good frame of mind to be when making a real decision. You have to be sure you have carefully thought out all your options and given yourself time to heal and accept your diagnosis before embarking on other changes that such a decision as adding a child to your life will bring. Be sure you are mentally and emotionally prepared.

Tina is one of our three phone line support volunteers. She, Amy and Tiffany each pick up calls 10 days of the month. If you would like to assist them by being a state contact, would like to work on our newsletter as the volunteer profiler reporter (or any other reporting job with the newsletter) or have
an interest in another volunteer position please contact Catherine at POF2@aol.com.

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