Endless POFibilities -- March 1999

I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE MY POF STORY
by Melanie

I was diagnosed with POF at the age of 21. I took myself to the doctor after years of missed periods. I was graduating from college and trying to start a career and needed to know where I stood. It had been on my mind but I was afraid to find out what was wrong. I was busy working on my degree, taking care of my father who was dying of cancer, and working two part time jobs so it was easy to push it out of my mind temporarily. I hoped that things would start up when I wasn’t under so much stress and that everything would be fine but it wasn't. In the 1970's there was no hope of children given at the time of diagnosis as some of the current methods that offer some slight possibility of bearing children were yet to be developed. Without much support and in an attempt to cope I decided that I would not be interested in adopting. I did not want to be rejected by a potential mate and I did not want to face not being able to give a future husband a family so I established a career focus. I dated very little and worked hard on pursuing my master’s degree and achieving success in my chosen profession.

I am now 40 and have had many happy experiences; I don’t regret my decision. However, if I were doing it again I might have sought some counseling in my 20’s to give me strategies for experiencing a more complete social life. I am now just about beyond the point that most people might expect me to produce children and have stated to date and explore that area of life. I do admit that it is challenging at this late date, having avoided many of the experiences my friends had in their 20’s.

Around the age of 30 I did look into the new fertilization possibilities and adoption just to be sure that I had at least considered everything and would not have major regrets in old age. I really am not interested in any of these ideas after exploring them and feel that a potential mate at this point may already have children from another marriage and wouldn’t mind not having more.

I had the opportunity to assist in raising my niece as my sister is mildly mentally retarded and needed help. This was a rewarding experience and gave me the opportunity to be close to mother related activities. I was always careful not to step on my sister’s toes, but filled in when it was appropriate. Her daughter was born with a very high intelligence and there were plenty of things that needed my attention related to her schooling, transportation for her chosen leisure activities, and support for college choices.

Another interesting turn in the road came when the doctor I went to in my 20’s was arrested and put in jail! I believe this occurred about 10 years after I had seen him. He had been charging patients for tests that he never sent to the lab. Samples and so on were found in his garage and I became quite excited and hopeful that I was one of those people and that the diagnosis was wrong. I was tested again and disappointed that the original diagnosis had been correct.

I don’t really have any trouble believing the stuff that is produced on soap operas. After these experiences I think anything can happen!

I have made the choice to be happy, to be productive and a contributing member of my community. The hardest part is that I do suffer in silence, as only a few of my best friends know of my experiences. My mother really never said anything about it when I told her. I think that she just couldn’t face the fact that there was something wrong with me too after having a mentally retarded daughter and so we don’t talk about it. It is my hope that the newsletter will offer help and comfort to young women experiencing this loss.

Good luck!